Letter to my Dad on his 15th memorial day

Dearest Daddy, 

I know you're happy and speaking by faith still. In human timelines, it's been 15 years since you left your earthly sojourn.

I know that you still speak by faith though you are dead. Your dreams aren't yet dead. After your death, I felt so bad and even wondered why on earth you went about doing good, caring and sharing with the poor and needy. I even vowed that I wouldn't tiptoe your path cos that would mean that I'd be of no use to my family. Tried buying assets, vehicles and whatever I could afford, but your genes within were waiting like a volcano to erupt and they did. 

You know Dad, my wife and kids too,along with Mom, reach out to the poor and needy like there is no tomorrow. I just try to bury my face in my hanky sobbing uncontrollably thinking about how you'd have loved to see your daughter in law and grand Children sharing and caring for the needy. 

Here on earth, there was a pandemic called COVID19 which brought the world to a standstill and just like we both carried food in the BAJAJ Classic scooter for the poor people 23 years ago, I started carrying food to the poor people and could reach out to about 40,000 people in 5 districts for more than 200 days. Na, I didn't carry sick people on my shoulder like you had done, but I could carry food and medicines to them in the Quarantine zones and the COVID CARE CENTERS. 

Now I know how you weren't able to shrug off that inheritance that your father Mr.Paul Dharmakkan bequeathed to you and though you weren't as rich as him, you were far RICHER IN GOOD WORKS. I know I had failed you by not becoming an IAS officer, but I could find favour in the eyes of Officials across 7 states while helping the workers move back to their home States during the LOCKDOWN. I even named this effort as #GodsFeedingBowl as it never ran dry but keeps reaching out and overflowing until the needy people are satisfied. 

I wish I could introduce you to all my Humanitarian friends who've been encouraging, supporting and standing with me in carrying #GodsFeedingBowl.Just like you had, I have friends who love and stand with me beyond language, religion, gender and caste bias and we're a CLAN OF HUMANITARIANS who #Live2Give and #Dare2Care and #Care2Share. 

I can never forget how your Hindu, Muslim friends had waited in the church to pay you their last respects and wept for you as if they were part of our own family. They were all happy to bless me and Jaffin on our Wedding ceremony and even assured us that you were still with us. Some of your friends are still in touch and they remember you fondly for your Humanitarian deeds of courage and compassion. 

I'm not crying for you anymore Dad, but am nursing a heavy heart whenever I think of sharing something that I want to share with you so badly, only to find that you aren't living in our plane of life anymore. 

The latest input from your friends is that I'm looking exactly like you cos of the new moustache that I started growing in lieu of the French beard that I've had since my college days. Like father like son, so they say, Dad. Kiss me one more time. I miss the pricks of the long and strong hairs from your moustache on my cheeks.

Your ever loving Son 

Jean Walter

Its my loving Dad's 10th Memorial Day

My fastest drives/rides could never catch up with time that flies so fast. Its 10 years but TIME has failed big time trying to erase my Dad's memories from our minds.

Dad bought me a helmet in 1997 knowing that my teen wrist could only mind speed than safety. In those days wearing a helmet,that too riding a Bajaj Scooter, was considered ridiculous....but not until people saw me eclipse every other vehicle on road with that vehicle.

But I've always been on safe 40kmph as I ferried my Dad from point A to Point B. Dad was well connected with IAS and Police officers and that explained how we spent our evenings at the CPO (City Police Office) reading Malai Murasu Newspaper.

Once there was a Police Awards ceremony at Anna Stadium in Trichy and the then CM M.K.Karunanidhi was presiding over the function. Dad was also given an Entry Pass to watch the proceedings from the VIP Box. I was riding our scooter and the road was surprisingly empty sans traffic. Suddenly we heard a voice in the mic ANDHA SCOOTERA ORAMAA POGA SOLLUNGA...ask that scooter to get off tge road. We saw a group of Police personnel running toward us and Dad asked me to slow down. The SI saluted my Dad and said Walter sir neengalaa.... Konjam oramaa ponga CM convoy varudhu... Walter sir, is it you, please pull aside as the CM's convoy is coming in.

That day my respect and admiration for Dad compounded and catapulted cos there was no reason for a cop to salute my Dad who was an outsider.

I do connect with top officials but never managed to do at such personal levels that my dearest Dad carried it despite being loaded with communication devices that range from landline to laptops.

A decade gone but the memories of my Dad can only grow stronger from here.

This legend of Starlet Grace shall live another zillion years!

My precious Mother Starlet Grace Walter turns 65 today.


A TEACHER PAR EXCELLENCE who managed to get a score of 100% and 7 scores of 99% at a Government School 2 decades ago when even private schools had not perfected the art of scoring centums through year long tuitions. She was the ONLY MATHS TEACHER for 6 sections comprising nearly 400 students in Standard Tenth. She has had abysmal lows in her finances, health, relationships and almost everything you could possibly name but has this PECULIAR GRACE OF GOD that helps her to bounce back from them all. She did so, carrying the family, including my Daddy Walter Robert Jeyapaul, who was the TREASURE HOUSE OF LOVE AND CHARITY. Together they gave, EVEN WHEN THEY HAD NOTHING. When the MID NOON MEAL SCHEME did not function on Saturdays, she carried food for those students cos she didn't want students to be tired at the end of half a day's Maths Caching class.



She prepared me for my First Elocution Competition and my on stage, media presentations and Lobbying efforts with the Government have never stopped since then. This 36th Blood Donation of mine goes to an ailing mother in the Government Hospital, who, I believe, would rise like a phoenix to lift many lives up, like my Mom has done all through her life.

To me she is Mother Teresa who is manifest in flesh and blood. She taught me to love my Dad and am learning how to live selflessly from her.

Love u so much MOM............ JHANSI RANI GRACE BHAI............... This legend of Starlet Grace shall live another zillion years!

September 14: Remembering Dad on his birthday

He'd have been 64 now and I would have said wow but just how?

Not much of tearful memories of the past. Hadn't been to his grave to place flowers or even to clean it up for a while now. Though am crossing Trichy multitude moments in a month and even had time to pray and sing a song or two at the altar in St.John's church when no one was around, I didn't feel like visiting his grave last month.

As I remembered how Dad would get us all ready for church on a Sunday, I remembered how he used to rush to St.John's church immediately after lunch on a Sunday..........Being there until the Tempo Trax came to pick people heading to Olaiyur for the Sunday's village ministry. I remembered how those villagers who, one by one, got rid of their drinking habits and started attending church and even got baptized. Those Villagers from Olaiyur were the last ones to pay tribute to my dad as his casket was lowered into the pit and it was one real soul-stirring tribute if I could recall.

If I could do just one thing to my dad on his birthday, it could just mean that I should continue from where he had left............. do the ministry among villagers, atleast on a Sunday. I picked my Bible and waited at St.John's Methodist Church Madurai for the Van to come and pick us up, little knowing that the Pastor would ask me to preach to the villagers today.

Happy Birthday my Dearest Daddy

Dearest Daddy

In 1990, when the FIFA World cup was happening, my Dad and I seldom allowed the neighborhood to sleep in peace as our celebrations rent the street after every goal. He and I were Deigo Maradona's fans and oh boy how he loved the greatest game of this world and Argentina above that. After hitting the bed late night, I used to wake up very late and my dad used to ride the cycle hard to help me catch the School Bus at 8:10am. What a wonderful friend my Dad had been to me. Miss you so much my Dearest Daddy 

This morning I was in the Church and the familiar handshake from my Mom, Wife and my cute little Kids reminded me that it was yet another Father's day.

Years beyond the happening, tears that covered it all couldn't just shake off the fact that there was my Daddy who had meant the most to me.

A couple of days ago I was in Bishop Heber College, the place where I played, had fun and yet had won almost all the coveted prizes that one could get for Academics and Extra curriculars. I remembered how I got in there and it was my dad. I remembered how I had last celebrated there. It was on my Dad's shoulders as he embraced me and kissed me in front of those onlookers who congratulated me for getting the BEST OUTGOING STUDENT OF THE YEAR AWARD for the year 2003.

I miss him. I wanted to say sorry for not accomplishing what I had promised him on his grave. I hope he would forgive me for not becoming an IAS Officer despite getting the First Prize in the IAS Aspirant's exam. I hope he would forgive me for not yet buying the Chevrolet Optra or his Favorite Black Bullet though I had changed 11 vehicles in the interim. This Father's Day is a recollection of WHAT I COULDN'T DO TO ACCOMPLISH MY DAD's DREAM. But I know that he would be happy that I had accomplished his dream of being the best child that would love his Dad forever.

Father's Day out

Its been some years since we started thinking about our Father / Dad / Appa / Papa / Naina on a special day and calling it as Father's day.

Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and other social media sites were abuzz with this trend with people sharing their Dad's photos or posting a 1 liner or sharing some interesting article on how great a Father's love is.

I was thinking about what the word Father meant to me. It was no less than LIFE itself. Mom used to share how I was always with dad, never leaving him to do anything other than to carry me around when I was a toddler, how he got me
my first cycle with all the money he had after I refused to get down from one that I had sat on as a 1 and half year old child. I remember wearing my dad's shirt and sleeping on it when my dad was away on duty for weeks together. Despite being a diabetic, who could only be content watching tasty food, my dad went around the city whiffing the smell of food for me and taking me to those best of restaurants for that mouth watering delicacies.I had learnt lessons of love and care for the poor from dad as he dressed poor people, treated their wounds, gave all the money he had to the hospital to treat them. He forfeited buying his newspapers or Kumudham or Tharasu magazines just to shore up the money he had for buying me my favorite Reader's Digest,Auto India and Overdrive magazines. I can't forget how he used to stay next to me when I was down with wheezing or a fever. I should never forget those red stripes that he gave me on my legs when I had gone to play in the graveyard with those teenagers who smoked and spoke bad words.I remember how I started aping my dad while trying to speak in public and ended up writing with the english words he had used often. That occasional sound could remind me through the traffic that I was already past the speeding limits in our scooter or in our, car which my dad never once drove as he had given those vehicles totally under my teen ownership. Dad's love pampered me so much and now I could only think of those days and wonder if they would ever come back to me.

I was fortunate to have a father like him. For some of my unfortunate friends who cribbed,life was otherwise as their childhoods were stolen by their so called dads who had spent time for money and never for their kids. Then for some there are father figures. The term FATHER FIGURE points to someone who totally cares, takes the ultimate responsibility, defends, guards, guides, encourages, motivates, forgives and showers love on some younger person just like a father does.

Lets celebrate this father's day, remembering with thanks all that our Father has ever done for us.

It could be just a smile or a hug or a sweetly timed gift or even a time to ask for forgiveness and be back with your father. If he is no more and if there is no one else to fill his shoes, then try reflecting all the goodness that your father has ever showered on you in the form of some kind deeds for the deserving ones.

At the end of it all the real meaning of a FATHER is LOVE and PATIENCE

Lets LIVE LOVE!!!

Love is stronger than Death

The past shadows have the power to haunt you if you are one who had allowed the thoughts of loved ones to be with you for life. Your best friends would ask you to TRY TO FORGET THE PAST AND MOVE ON. When you try doing that, you might still have more of the memories of your loved ones. For me its my Daddy dear.

7 years since Dad passed away and I've been through times that were happy, joyful and those times when I was embittered to the core. Sometimes I had the balance and poise to handle them all as one and there were the others when I'd gone insane. I know that God is with me through thick and thin and hence I keep asking Him a lotta questions. They say that we shouldn't question God, but I think that He is my Father and hence I do have the access to Him just like I had with my own Dad to whom I had posed many questions since childhood and had learnt much in the offing!

Since my 2 children keep me engaged through much of the day when I'm away from my office chores, I have little time to think of my dad. But when Cyrus craves for my love crying endlessly, until I carry him up in  my arms or until I ferry him in my car or bike, I'm shaken a bit; I feel like that sort of emotional bonding of his' might lead to lack of balance in his life if I'm gone all of a sudden. Thats a stupid thought, but I know I would want to live my life on this earth until GOD had appointed me to live. There was this day when Christina was just not letting me go embracing my legs and asking me to take her along and I just couldn't shrug her off. She had an immense grip on my shin and calf muscles and then just incapacitated me for a momentary pause. I FELT LOVE WAS STRONGER and that AGE DOESN'T MATTER.

I'm just about to put up this poster in those places where Dad sojourned. I miss you so much dear Daddy.............. Loving Kisses from your son Jean Walter